When Sorrow Overwhelms

Where do we turn when life gets hard? What are we to do when we begin to feel the depression sink in deep, when the sorrow and the grief wash over us and settle like fog in the valley? Sometimes it seems that no matter how hard we try or how hard we pray we can't pull ourselves out of the pain. The heartache overwhelms, and the days feel long. When the thought of work stirs up anxiety, and home becomes suffocating, we stumble through life, we go through the motions. We become vacant, absent from the day to day activities, living life veiled, without clarity. We begin to wonder if this is all there is, is this how we will spend the rest of our days? Facing the day feels too hard, and it is all we can do not to crawl back under the covers, to spend our day trying to sleep off the pain. Our focus begins to be overwhelmed with trying to numb the feelings, trying to move past it, telling ourselves that it's been long enough, surely we shouldn't still be here, we should have moved on. It is these moments, weeks, months, that cause the hopelessness to settle in. We begin to believe the lies, maybe God's not in control, maybe he doesn't care, maybe he's too busy for me, maybe this is all there is.

 

What do we do then, how do we get to the place where we can be "joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" (Romans 12:12)?

 

As these days become longer, harder, more frequent we need to find hope. Hope in the promises of Christ. We begin by methodically reading the verses that tell us, He loves us, He is in control, He knows our pain and our sorrow, He is sovereign. Scrawling the promises of God on our mirrors to read when we get up in the morning "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" (Isaiah 41:10). Repeating them as we go through our day, leaving them on our bedside tables, our window sills, wherever we might pause to whisper the words of God. Reminding ourselves that this too is a season, that God has said: "the time will come when I will heal Jerusalem’s wounds and give it prosperity and true peace" (Jeremiah 33:3). What a day it will be when we can experience true peace. Hope begins to seep in, it begins to stir the heart, to turn our eyes from ourselves and our pain to those around us, and to God who can do all things.

 

Sometimes the grief overwhelms so intensely that even prayer feels impossible. How do we make it, how do we feed the hope in our lives when we can't find the strength to pray? Where do we go from that point when all seems lost? We must reach out, we must look for those who will stand in the gap. This is hard, we have to put aside pride, and in humility ask for help. Seek out those who will pray, those who will come along side and do for us what we can't seem to muster. When we are willing to do this amazing things happen. The power of intercessory prayer is profound! Those who have come alongside have literally prayed the heaviness, the sorrow, the depression off our shoulders. Not to say that grief will not overwhelm again, those dark days are likely to return, but we now know there is hope. There is hope that we can walk through the dark valley, and come out the other side. 

 

At this point the prayers of those who love us, who we have reached out to, those who have walked in grief themselves, have literally eased the suffering. When the days became too much, when we didn't think things would change, we asked that people pray. Within a few days of our hopeless plea we felt a change, a fog was lifted, it was astounding. We began living the Psalmist's praise, believing its truths:  

I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,
and he turned to me and heard my cry.
² He lifted me out of the pit of despair,
out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground
and steadied me as I walked along.
³ He has given me a new song to sing,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what he has done and be amazed.
They will put their trust in the Lord.

⁴ Oh, the joys of those who trust the Lord,
who have no confidence in the proud
or in those who worship idols.

                                           Psalm 40:1-4

 

 

For those who are walking through dark days that feel hopeless, exhausting, and overwhelming, I encourage you to write out the promises of God, dwell on his words, read them over and over until you repeat them to yourself as you go about your day, and ask for prayer. Find those you trust and ask them to pray for you. The power of God's people praying together produces miracles. I also encourage you to pray for others, sometimes when we take our eyes off ourselves long enough to pray for those in need we are encouraged. When we see our prayers for others answered we begin to feel hope again, and we begin to trust that God will answer prayer. That this can happen for us too.

 

I encourage everyone else to pray for those around you. When you pray, you make a difference. Your prayers are heard, they are felt, and they can change the lives of those you are praying for. God answers prayers and when we pray for others we are also blessed. We become a participant in what God is doing, we get the blessing of seeing the miracles, of being aware of God working.

 

 

Trick or Treat

We had so much fun trick or treating this year and ended up with way too much candy. I couldn't wait to dress Mason up, thanks to Pinterest, I saw the cutest little Clark Kent/Superman costume and just had to dress up. He was so adorable, and the girls, well they were cute too, even if the got stuck wearing whatever hand me down costumes we could find :)

seriously, he was so cute in those big chunky glasses, I just couldn't stop taking pictures of my little cutie!

Rapunzel

She couldn't be Rapunzel without Pascal

our little turtle

The fat puppy, who was always called a cow all night :)

The gang

Trick or treat at the Derksen's

...and the Doorns

the bag is starting to get heavy!

We crossed paths with the Derksen's for a little while.

Cutest Raggedy Ann I have ever seen!

Hitchin a ride, because "I tired walkin"

Visiting our scary neighbour :)

Big Conversations With Our Little Bella

Bella is always our little girl with big questions. She is always trying to understand concepts that seem too big for a little four year old mind. From trying to understand where the sun goes at night and how one side can be dark while the other is light, to what Heaven will be like and how we get there. She has always asked the big questions, she has always persisted in trying to understand that which seems too complicated, and yet when her little four year old mind understands, and she speaks of a big concept she shows us how simple it really can be. How we can complicate things and make them difficult, how we can take a simple message of GRACE, HOPE and LOVE and turn it into what sounds like an unattractive waste of breath that spends more time arguing over doctrine then loving those who are hurting. Looking at life through the eyes of a child, it shifts our perspective, it can be convicting, but it truly is a blessing!

 

This post is actually long over due, Bella and I had this particular conversation on September 1st, after which I quickly scrawled our conversation down in my journal so that I wouldn't forget, so that I could record this memory.

 

This precious conversation all began when I had to come to Bella and ask forgiveness. It had been a long day, I was tired, getting the kids ready for bed was all I could do. I was short and grumpy with the kids and was trying to rush them into bed. In response to my frustration Bella began to wine and cry words that were undecipherable to me, and I was done, in frustration I yelled at her that I couldn't understand her, and that she better start listening and get to bed, or else.. This was true, she had disobeyed me, but me, I had lost self control and sinned against Bella, I had been harsh on her tender little spirit. Instantly I knew I was wrong, instantly I got that sick feeling in my stomach, knowing that I had hurt her and that in my selfishness I had allowed myself to vent on her. I knew that I needed to talk with her, so I finished brushing Mason's teeth and got him into bed, then went to tuck the girls in. As I sat on her bed I just looked at her big blue eyes and told her that we needed to talk, this was like music to her ears as she perked up and smiled. She absolutely loves a chance to talk with someone one on one. I told her that I was sorry for yelling at her and that I had been wrong to do so, and I asked for her forgiveness, told her that I loved her and that she was special. Her response was I love you mom, you are the best mom ever! (Talk about being humbled when I felt so undeserving of her compliment, how I wish I had the kind of grace for others that she has for me). As our conversation came to an end I could tell that Bella wasn't ready to be done chatting just yet. 

 

She looked at me and said, "Mom, Cheyanne says that I am not a Christian." It took me a bit off guard, I wasn't exactly sure where to go with the statement. So I asked Cheyanne why she had said this and Cheyanne told me that it was because Bella had said mean/bad things to her. This led into an opportunity to have a brief conversation with Cheyanne about grace, and how as Christians we are a part of God's family and when we sin his love for us doesn't change, we don't all of a sudden stop belonging to that family, we still need to confess to God and try and do better, but his love for us is still the same. How thankful I am for this grace, a gift that I need daily. His grace is so much bigger then us, again I was humbled as I thought of how I had allowed my selfishness to dictate my behaviour that night, how if God's grace weren't what it is I too couldn't be a Christian, as Cheyanne had said, but this is not God's way, God's way is a way of love, it's a gift "for it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9)

 

Getting back to Bella, I then asked her if she knew what it meant to be a Christian. We discussed how much God loves us and how he wants to forgive us, how he sent his son to be our saviour, and how he wants us to love him and to follow his plan for our lives. To trust in what he is doing even when it's hard to understand, and to choose to follow him. To accept his gift of love and forgiveness, to believe and to have faith and to give thanks, praising him in all things. That's it, that is what he asks of us. It really is simple, we just find ways to complicate it. We seem to need to take this gift of LOVE and GRACE and turn it into a list of rules, a list of dos and don'ts, a list telling us what good Christians look like and how we must behave, and yet it is as simple as giving thanks and walking in faith. I am so thankful for such a loving God, for grace, and all that he has blessed us with, even though life has been hard and I wouldn't ask to go through anything like it again, I can give thanks for what I have learned through the hard times, what he has revealed to me about myself, and the changes he has made.

 

I asked Bella what she thought about what I had said, and if she wanted to trust God if she wanted to pray and ask God to guide her life and to forgive her. She began to pray "Thank you Jesus that we had a good day and that Taylor and Sidney could babysit. Help us to have no bad dreams or bad thoughts or no spiders and bugs in our room. I ask Jesus forgive my sins, guide my path, and live in my heart. AMEN" it was such a cute little heartfelt prayer, one that was very typical of how she prays daily, and yet it totally melted my heart. I prayed a blessing over her as we ended our conversation, asking God to help her as she chooses to follow Christ as she gets older, and our conversation was done. We said goodnight, and I walked out praising God that he had given me this opportunity to have a conversation with so much meaning on a day when I had felt like such a failure as a mother. I am so thankful that my God is bigger then me, that he can use my mistakes, and even my sins, for his glory, to spark conversations with eternal consequences. God is GOOD!

 

The Dog Days of Summer

We spent the last part of summer camping close to home, very close actually. It takes about five minutes for Michael to drive home for work in the morning, and yet, it felt like miles away. I am so glad we decided to do this final camping trip, I was starting to feel like fall was coming too quickly, and I wasn't ready to get back into routine. This final camp out made the coming of school, work, and cold weather not feel quite as harsh.  We spent a weekend there, and then a week later we came back for a week. It also gave us a chance to camp with the Derksen's, catch up with some friends, and celebrate our 11th anniversary. In between the camping trips we also attended a family BBQ. It was a lot of fun, our kids look forward to it all summer, and they always have a blast and leave exhausted!

Fancy blender drinks are the best part of camping where there's power! Pina Coladas at the beach :)

The people that run the campground that we were at happen to be old friends of my parents so they took the kids over to their wood shop and made these cute little bird houses with them. The kids were so proud of their little creations.

We went straight from the campground to the family BBQ at Uncle Chris and Aunt Pauline's. The kids had a blast, and so did we. It is always fun to get together with family. I so appreciate the extended family that we have, such a blessing to know that there are so many people in our lives praying for us, and loving us and our kids.

Emmersen diving off the diving board, good thing she had that life jacket on because it turned out to be more of a belly flop!

winding down at the end of the evening with a movie and some snuggles.

back at the campground, doing a treasure hunt with all the kids. We quickly learned that there are far less tears if you hide enough pieces of paper so that each one can find something after each clue!

Linda (the campground owner) brought out her beads this time around. The kids made cute little necklaces. Cheyanne even made one for me for an anniversary present. Linda also came around and painted everyone's nails, including Mason's. His were hot pink much to his father's dismay, lol.

Our cute little farm boy!

These two have finally seemed to have gotten to the point where there is more love in their relationship then hate, lol.

It was a busy Saturday at the campground, with lots of kids. We enjoyed visiting the Coopers (and of course snuggling those adorable little twins) and Steins! I even got a chance to try shooting Katie's English long bow that she made, it's pretty impressive, and I hit the target too!

Movie night in the trailer to buy us some time while the guys went salmon fishing.

Lol, looks like he's born to farm, he definitely seems to have the fashion sense of a farmer anyway!

Happy Anniversary to us! This was our delicious anniversary dinner, mom brought out a celebratory heart shaped cake and blueberry dessert. (she's taking the photo)

Catching minnows with Auntie Renee, Mason's kissing them as fast as the kids catch them.

Look, I got one!

I am not sure when Mason decided it was a good idea to kiss with an open mouth, but I think he sucked on a few minnows while he was down there.

Time to go home and leave our little sanctuary in favour of work and routine. I never seem to be ready for summer to be over, it always goes too quickly, although, it is nice when mid-October hits and things on the farm slow down enough that we get to see Michael a little more. So as summer is done I am anticipating the slower paced months of winter, where hot soups and warm drinks fill our afternoons and we can enjoy weekends off and long afternoon visits.



Boating

We bought a boat this year and were so excited to get it out on the lake. It was such a fun family purchase and we couldn't wait to get the kids out and have fun in the water. We had been talking for a few years about saving for a boat and had kind of started looking last summer and then when everything got so stressful and hard last year we kind of stopped talking about it. We hadn't really discussed it again until the end of June when we were talking about camping and how different it was going to be for us now. With having to make sure there is water on the crops during the summer Michael can't get away unless he chooses not to water, which he did do for us over the weekends we were at noisy, (such a blessing) but, for any extended period of time this just isn't an option. When we were talking about this, the idea of having a boat became more and more appealing. We live close to the water and it is a fun way to just get out and enjoy being together as a family, and it's a great way to get Michael away from the farm for a few hours so he doesn't just sit at home thinking about all that he needs to get done. It is something we can do to enjoy our summer so that we can have fun memories even with him being so tied to the farm.

When we started looking we had discussed a couple of things that were important to us in a boat, the main one was seating. We wanted a boat that could hold a lot of people so that it could be something we do not only do with our family, but with other families as well. We also hoped for a wakeboard tower and a V-drive engine. When we looked at boats with what we wanted they were all way above what we wanted to spend. For me the U shaped seating was so important but we just couldn't find it in any older model boats. That night before bed we both talked about it, and decided that we should pray, we figured if we were meant to purchase a boat then one would show up with what we wanted that was in our price range, and if it wasn't the right purchase for us then we wouldn't be able to find one. The next morning I got up and looked on Kijiji and the perfect boat for us was posted first thing in the morning, it was what we had wanted, and a lot more, and in our price range. I am constantly amazed at how God loves us enough to be involved in the silly little things of our lives. I remember thinking it was stupid to pray about something so superficial, but at the same time we wanted to be wise with what we were given and we didn't want to be frivolous. It was just a confirmation for us that God cares about all aspects in our lives, and it gave us total peace when purchasing the boat (we weren't able to test drive it, we bought it and didn't get it tested for almost a month, but I had total peace rather then being stressed about whether it was actually as good as the guy said). The boat was great, we took it to a mechanic before getting it wet and everything was working well.

We had a lot of fun this year with it and I can't wait until next summer when we will hopefully get even more use out of it!

First trip out, everyone is very excited!!

my handsome hubby captaining the ship :)

Emmersen telling us that Bella wants to stop (we told them to pat their head's if they want to be done, so Emme wanted to make it clear that it wasn't her but Bella that wanted to be done, lol).

the boat is the perfect place for Mason, he always manages to sneak in a nice little power nap half way through the day and then is ready to party again when he wakes up.

the girls and I out for a cruise

Mason didn't like sharing his seat so he kicked us out, but we did almost sink them when we took off one time because it was so light, they all did a great job of hanging on when I thought for sure I was jumping in for Mason, lol. We got it figured out though and it didn't happen again :)

apparently Lyla likes to nap on the boat too.

Cheyanne got up her first time water skiing (with training skis), she was pretty nervous but she did it no problem.

just about time to let go.

Emme got up her first try too...those training skis are awesome!

very focused!

Having fun! Emme did have one wipe out the second time she tried. Michael was driving the boat and asked Daniel how much pull was on the rope and said he wanted to try holding it. Michael was curious if he could pull the rope towards himself and pulled Emme right over her skis. Luckily, after a few sad tears, she decided she still thought skiing was fun and that seeing how it was daddy's fault she fell, she would try again.

tubing with Uncle Daniel