Noisy Creek....Week 1

This year's Noisy Creek camping trip was an adventure for me. It was the first time that I would camp without Michael, and though it wasn't quite the same we had fun anyways. Michael was able to come up Friday afternoon to Monday morning of both weeks so he was still able to take in some of the fun. The weather was way better then last year as it poured rain the whole ten days we were up there and I figured if we could have fun in that kind of weather, we should do just fine when it was as hot as 37degrees up there.

Week number 1 was full of fun and friends. It worked out that when we took our holidays a few of our friends had theirs planned too. There were four moms and twelve kids camping that week. As you can imagine our sites were full of noise and busy children running back and forth. On the weekends the hubbys came around and brought some much needed relief and a lot of fun :) It was a great trip and I have to say, I fared far better then I thought I would, however, I can't say the same for Michael, he definitely missed being there with us, I suppose that it is always harder being the one left at home with all the silence. Thankfully he chose not to irrigate over the weekend so that he could get a much needed break and have some fun with us, and the fields did just fine even without the water!

Hair is all braided and out of the way so that I don't have to comb it for two weeks and we are ready to head out on our adventure. Bella is crying and freaking out because she saw a mosquito, she is afraid of them the way someone else might be afraid when standing between a mother bear and her cubs, lol.

roasting marshmallows = fun, roasting giant marshmallows because I thought they would be fun = a big sticky mess, lol, and a lot of gooey children.

Emmersen soaking in some sun at the beach :)

Mason enjoyed having little boys around so that he could sneak their toys when they weren't looking

Aspen and Cheyanne

these two just cracked me up, they were having quite a conversation, although I am not sure that either of them understood the other one. At one point Peyton even tried to teach Mason how to properly get on a bike and pedal.

See you later Mommy!

Little miss cutie pie!

working away at building a fort/secret hideout

Such a fun party barge that one of the dads brought up with him, the kids had a blast on it and so did all the adults!

We didn't let Mason nap and after a few days it seemed to have caught up to him, the rest of the kids are pretending to sleep too for the photo, they were too funny.

He slept for over an hour like this, what a little cutie :)

When camping you have to play Waboba, best water game ever! It is way more fun then throwing the football around!

Bella and Dan hanging out on the party barge

a few of the girls enjoying a little float on the water, love Cheyanne's goofy mask.

The kids decided they would try their luck with squirrel hunting and once again tried to catch a squirrel with a trap that they created, it was very creative on their part and apparently almost worked.

hiding so the squirrel wouldn't see them when it went in the trap and then their plan was to pull the string, with this many kids hiding though it should be quite obvious why it didn't work, lol.

Hanging out with friends, chatting and playing games, all part of the fun of camping this year.

We even got company while we camped, Grandpa and Grandma Olund came out, along with Auntie Renee and the kids.

Fishing with Daddy in Sam's boat, so much fun!

The kids really wanted to build their own fire, Damon worked very hard at getting it all laid out and ready and Sam supervised :)

Peyton and Mason checking out the minnows Cheyanne caught, I think she was trying to protect them from him because he kept dumping rocks in the bucket.

Emmersen taught herself to ride a bike on her first try, although she's still a little shaky when it comes to braking, lol. I was doing dishes and could hear her talking about how to ride a bike with Navi and Cheyanne, I went around the trailer and all of a sudden she was riding a two wheeler.

All in all week one was a big success, although it was a lot harder to see Michael leave after having enjoyed him being there for the weekend, and knowing that I was on my own with no friends for the next week. 

1year and 3years....

Aug 2nd, 2009 and July 29th, 2011, two dates that have tested me, broken me, and caused a lot of grief in my life, and our family's life.

3years ago I attended the first funeral that really broke me my heart, every funeral is sad, and all can be devastating, but this was the first to test my faith and to make me angry. To watch a mom and dad have to bury their son, to watch my father in law cry, to see grandparents and great grandparents bury their grandson, to have to grieve the loss of my nephew Josiah, it was devastating to me.

One year ago completely broke me, it was the funeral that changed our lives, it made me feel like our blessed life had been built on a fault line and that this was the shift that made it all come crashing down. I just wanted to scream at God, "again Lord, really, how much do you expect our family to handle?" All of a sudden life was full of questions, questions that don't have answers, questions that can't be satisfied by answers, questions that can destroy your faith or build it up.

How has it been one year? One year since my husband gave this beautiful tribute to a father, one year since I have heard his laugh, or his voice at the barn, one year since I have seen him bend low to scoop up one of my kids into his arms, while listening to them chatter away about something, a big smile on his face the whole time. How has it been three years already since we've snuggled our precious nephew Josiah? How is it that time passes quickly, and yet at times it feels like years have gone by, living with the pain making it feel like an eternity has passed, it's a weird paradigm, life moves forward at a rapid pace, and yet in my heart it feels like it is standing still.  

As July 29th approached, it just felt like too much to take on the first anniversary of Don's passing, neither of us could face it. I can't let myself relive that day, that week, I quickly push the memories away as fast as they come, they make it hard to breath and I become nauseous, the happy memories are barely survivable, but that day, I just can't go there. Maybe someday, but for now it is just too painful. This past year has been a fog, I've been tired and I've been broken. and sometimes I have felt like I can't push through, but there are too many people depending on me to let myself break down. It has been an exhausting year, and it is random things that will open the flood gates of emotions, memories that you can't prepare yourself for will all of a sudden flood your brain because of some trigger, or just a moment to yourself. Nights are the worst, my thoughts are my own, no kids interrupting and no one watching and so often that's when the grief and the sorrow, they win, and the tears, they flow, and a series of sleepless nights begin. And yet, it is amazing how just as the psalmist says, in the morning His peace and joy will overwhelm me, and I know we will be okay, that Christ is keeping our family a float and we just need to stop fighting him, and just rest in his promises. When I was thinking about this I got a picture in my mind from my days of lifeguarding. I was reminded of how a drowning victim will often fight their rescuer, that in panic and fear they will thrash to get loose from the rescuers grip, or try to climb onto the lifeguard forcing them under and only making their drowning situation worse. I could just see how this past year I have been that drowning victim, fighting Christ and not letting him hold me, not allowing him to heal my heart, or to soothe me and give me reassurance. Instead I have held onto pain, fear, and doubt. At times I don't even want Christ to heal my heart because it feels like I will be betraying Don, that if it doesn't hurt as much, if the pain isn't as raw, it will lessen what he meant to me. Trust me, I know this is faulty thinking, but at times I can't help but feel this way.

As I have tried to process this past year, this past three years, and the whys and the hows, and all of the questions in between, many things have spoken to me, but recently I read a book called "Second hand Jesus," by Glenn Packiam, and his take on Job really impacted my view of pain. Job had it all until God allowed Satan to take it, but God didn't allow this just to prove something to Satan, it was about Job, and his relationship with God. Before the devastation Job only knew part of God, but it is in the pain that he learned who God truly was, and what God desired of him.

I admit I once lived by rumors of you;
now I have it all firsthand—from my own eyes and ears!
I'm sorry—forgive me. I'll never do that again, I promise!
I'll never again live on crusts of hearsay, crumbs of rumor."
Job 43:5-6 "The Message"

 Glenn Packiam states that: "all of our experiences and emotions can become a springboard to find God and see Him for ourselves. God is present on every scene, waiting, wanting us to see Him, believe in Him, and worship Him with every ounce of our existence (Second Hand Jesus, pg. 28). This has become my prayer, for myself, for my husband, for my family and extended family, that we will see who God is and be moved to live for him in a more authentic way, no more safe Jesus who just wants to make our life comfortable, instead the Jesus of the bible, the one who didn't tell us to stay in our safe bubble and raise safe christian kids, the one who went against culture, and loved the poor and the broken, the one who didn't stay within the safe walls of established religion or Christian friends, but the one who became an outcast to serve the Father, defend the powerless, and provide salvation to all who believe. That is who I desire to be, to be less of me and more of Christ, to love better, to sacrifice more, and to live a life of thanksgiving.

The kids have done well, but still have some anxiety. Cheyanne doesn't like to talk about it, or even mention anything to do with the accident, and Bella and Emmersen will quickly become enthralled in questions and conversations when they over hear Michael mention going to move irrigation or see the reel working in the field. The kids spend a lot of time talking about Heaven, and Josiah and Grandpa being there with Grandpa's mom. They sometimes have a fear of Heaven, and other times they just discuss what they think it's like. It is so weird to see kids process so much loss at such young ages. One day over lunch, Bella looked at Michael and sighed, then said, "daddy, you look like grandpa today," we both looked at each other and didn't know what to say, and she just went back to eating, she didn't seem to need a response, it was just a statement. I spent a lot of time this summer grieving over how much Don would have loved Mason at this age, how much he would have laughed at all his little quirks, and how sad it is that Mason won't remember him. The first time I heard him use the word grandpa was the day Don passed away, it was when my dad came in to watch the kids for us and I remember the pain of knowing that not only would Don never hear it, but that Mason would not even remember him. I have asked him if he remembers, and he does say yes, but I am not sure if that is a true statement or just an answer. I did manage to talk to the girls a bit about the fact that it had been one year. Cheyanne was shocked that it had been a year. I asked her if she had missed grandpa this year and she said yes, especially on her birthday. It was strange to hear her say that because at the time she never mentioned it, she also said she really misses him at other holidays. I asked her if there was anything else and she said she was sad that she never got to make ice cream with him. Talking with all the kids about it made me tear up. Emmersen and Bella both said that they missed grandpa a lot, Emmersen said she missed reading with him and that she missed him every day and night. Bella was more focused on facts, she missed him but she also wanted to tell me what she did the day he passed away, it was amazing the details that she recalled. Waching my kids miss him, and knowing what they are missing out on frustrates me, it just seems unfair somehow, and yet I know, "all is grace... God is always good, and I am always loved" (one thousand gifts) and so I must learn to trust, and rest in this promise, instead of living in the "if I were in control" mentality.

So as this next year unfolds, as we begin to live in a more clearer reality of what our life now looks like I pray that we will allow Christ to bring us peace, and that we will have the strength to live a life of joy in all circumstances, counting all as gifts, as blessings from our Creator. To live knowing that

darkness transfigures into light, bad transfigures into good, grief transfigures into grace, empty transfigures into full. God wastes nothing--"makes everything work out according to his plan" Ephesians 1:11" (one thousand gifts, pg.97)

Even knowing all this, that God will transform our pain into joy, that he is working all things for the good of those who love him, I still can't help but identify with the words of the song, If Heaven Wasn't so Far Away, oh how I wish that I could pack up the kids and go for the day...

Our Little Dramatic Diva is 4!

Bella is a little fireball full of fun and attitude. She is such a quirky little girl that she has us laughing all the time. She is always coming up with one liners, and witty remarks to make the whole family laugh. I am looking forward to watching her sense of humour mature and become more complex, and hopefully the punch line won't always include a bodily function. She is the first kid to realize a line from a movie is funny and worth repeating, and the majority of the time she finds the perfect opportunity to say it. She also has a habit of picking up songs from commercials to sing over and over again, lately it has been "I'm sexy and I know it" from the M&M commercial (which, if you haven't seen is definately worth watching on youtube, it's pretty funny). This has become rather embarassing for me though, and she knows it, which makes her sing it even more when people are around, and then give a little giggle to herself about how funny she is. She usually has a big smile on her face and a sparkle in her eye, kind of like she's knows something you don't.

Bella is also our "girly" girl. She loves make up and dresses, barbies and princesses. If it were up to her she would always have her nails painted and her lip gloss on. She always wants to wear a skirt or a dress. She even made sure that she spent all of soccer season playing in a cute little skirt and fancy leg warmers. Soccer wasn't her favourite activity, she didn't like to run and was far more excited about snack then the actual soccer, and was always quick to talk about how great Dexter was, and how many goals he scored, and how she wasn't good but could play goal. Bella is always playing dress up with fancy dresses and jewellery, as well as her Rapunzel hair. She can't stand bad smells, if something stinks she starts to gag, and even entering Mason's room while a diaper change took place was enough to make her puke. She often tells Michael that he needs a shower or his hands stink when he's been out at the barn. She doesn't like the sun in her eyes or being too hot but will complain just as much when she's cold. This little princess just might be a high maintenance girlfriend one day, hahaha. Bella is terrified of mosquitoes, and I don't just mean a little bit, she will literally let out a blood curdling scream, if you didn't know better you would assume that she had just run into a bear or that a cobra was about to attack. I shouldn't laugh because she is really that afraid, she even starts to shake if she can't get away from them because she is stuck in her car seat or something, but it is just so bizarre that I can't help it. If one is on her arm she won't smack it she will just stand there frozen, staring at it, and scramming, lol. I wish I could get it to work for me to uploade a video because reading about it just isn't the same as actually seeing her, lol.

Bella is also our wonderful little drama queen. She can put on a show when she wants someone to believe she is just too tired to clean up, or needs a piggy back. She can slump her shoulders, and sigh like no little kid I have ever seen, and the funniest part is, that it always works for her. She can convince her soccer coach to pick her up and run her to the ball "because I'm just not good at it" or get a Sunday School teacher to pack her around instead of having to run with the other kids. I am sure that she will be the little girl at camp that the counsellor is always piggy backing. It's too funny, because she does it so well that everyone wants to do it for her, they think she's just so cute and they happily cater to her little smile and shiny blue eyes. Bella will often dramatically sigh and "wish" she was Cheyanne, or Emme, or Mason, or just about anyone who is doing something she wants to or has something she likes. This little habit bothers me as I want her to learn to be content as well as happy with who she is but I am not really sure if I should be doing something about it, or what to do. To some degree I know it is just her drama queen side showing, but I really don't want her to want to grow up faster than she should! She also adds a lot of drama and intensity to her voice when she wants her dad to do something. She will order her him around in this loud yell, and then give just enough of a giggle that she doesn't get in trouble and melts his heart. She has definitely got daddy wrapped around her little finger, as well as just about everyone else!

Bella's vocabulary cracks me up. She uses words that are way too big for her as well as making up her own. She will tell you how you have "exhausted" her, or that kissing friends/cousins on the lips isn't "appropoiate." She will sometimes say things like "kmote" instead of remote and when her sisters laugh or point it out she will practice it until she can say it right, and will announce "mom I am getting bigger now I can say remote." She also has a habit of mixing up opposites, like saying she wants to sit in the back when she actually means the front, or under over, etc. It's so cute because she knows, and sometimes she will catch herself and laugh and say "op I mean..." but other times she doesn't even notice. I love it when she giggles over something she said, and she definitely finds herself hilarious! She is just so cute.

Bella brings so much joy and spunk to our house. She adds laughter, constant chatter, and a lot of noise! She really doesn't have a volume below loud, and I think it is impossible for her to whisper, but oh how we love her! The dynamic she adds to our house is so much fun, and although I am often shhushing her, or telling her that she has to wait her turn to talk (which she responds to with a frown and a whine like she might explode if she can't get the words out right now), I need to remind myself just how precious her words are, and how great it is that she loves to tell us absolutely everything she is thinking, because one day, she just might start keeping it in, and that would be a sad day!

She passed her swimming lessons this year, I think it helped a lot hat she actually spoke to her teacher this year, lol, last year it was a boy and she refused to acknowledge him or have anything to do with him, hahaha.

her first horseback ride at Uncle Chris' house

playing goalie, as usual

Bella counted the number of balls she stopped as how many goals she scored, lol.

swimming at a friends birthday party

This year Bella's birthday kind of snuck up on us. It is a crazy time of year for both Michael and I. He is busy planting crops and taking crops off, and I am trying to write report cards, wrap up year end school work with Cheyanne, and get the kids to all the activities they are in. With the added stress of flooding and craziness I just felt exhausted even thinking about birthdays. Luckily, I had a colouring book in the cupboard we could give her on her actual birthday, and Auntie Renee was up for hosting and decorating for the "cousin-twin birthday party." Bella loved her colouring book, and Auntie Renee did an awesome job of the kids' ocean themed birthday party. Bella was so excited for her party this year, lol, she couldn't wait and had been talking about it for months! It was funny to see just how much more opinionated she was about what type of party she would like then the other girls were at her age. I am constantly amazed at how she seems to be growing up so much faster then the other two. In so many ways she doesn't seem all that much younger then Cheyanne and Emme, she is in to all the same things, she talks just as well, and aside from not being able to read, she's pretty good at outsmarting them when she wants to! 

Bella on her birthday morning, I almost forgot to put the candle in her toast, when I remembered I said "oh Bella I forgot the candle" and she said, "yup you better do that" lol.

"it's our party and will do what we want to"

waiting for supper

finally eating, amazing how much quieter a house full of kids is when everyone has food!

the usual get together grandkids on the couch pose :)

opening gifts, Emmersen helping Bella read her cards

the cute cupcakes Auntie Renee made

these two remind me a lot of Bella and Dexter at their age, with their "love/hate" relationship, lol, they seem to be getting better all the time though!

fishing off the deck for magnetic alphabets

and we ended the party by comming home to a beautiful double rainbow over our farm :)

Our birthday interview, thanks to Ladybugs n' Latte's for the idea!

Favourite Colour:? Pink

Favourite Food? Pancakes, and waffles, and french toast, and Swedish Pancakes, and mac and cheese

Favourite Show? The Elephant Show ?? (not sure what show she's talking about) Lady and the Tramp

Favourite Book? Cinderella

Favourite Toy? the toys we just took out of the trailer (ponies, strawberry shortcake, pet shops)

Favourite Song? Mean (Taylor Swift) Sparks Fly (Taylor Swift) Brown Chicken Brown Cow (Trace Adkins)  

What do you want to be when you grow up? A Spy Monkey (hahaha, I think she means Abu from Aladdin)

What are you good at? eating, watering flowers, going to birthday parties

What are you excited about? camping, rainbows

What are your favourite memories from being three? when I had my old bed, when my balloons were up, Christmas, and Canada Day

What is your favourite memory verse this year? "Don't just listen to God's words listen what he says" (that was Bella's quote) (she's talking about James 1:22 But don't just listen to God's word, you must do what it says, otherwise you are only fooling yourselves)

What is one thing you would like to say to the whole world if you had the chance? pray for Jesus, If you listen to sin you will be a part of sin so just listen to grown ups what them say.

just as a reference, this is the old bed she referred to when she said it was one of her favourite memories, lol, it got pretty beat up that mattress :)

Last Day of School!!!!

 I was far more excited for school to be done then Emmersen was. She loved every minute of school, except the bus rides, she was ready for those to be done! Emmersen had a fabulous year in kindergarten! I am so glad that we didn't hold her back a year, she was so ready and she couldn't have had a better year. Mrs. Sigston is such an amazing teacher! I have spent a lot of time over the years in different kindergarten classes, and I have to say, there is definitely something special about hers! She spends a lot of time praying and worshiping with the kids and you can just see how much she loves Christ, and how that enables her to have the love and patience that these little ones need. She does such a great job of having a consistent routine for the kids, and Emmersen thrived on that. Anytime Emme can know what to expect and what is coming next she does very well. Kindergarten was know exception, one day at home after a particularly grumpy and testy day she looked at me and said, "mom, I don't know why I am so good at school, I never get in trouble there, or cry!" lol, I couldn't help but chuckle, I know that part of it is that she is kept busy and that she always knows what is expected of her and what is coming next. Something I will definitely have to remember for next year! Her and I are very different that way, routine and organization are definitely not my strong point, hahaha!

I loved watching how much she learned this year. It was amazing to see her develop reading skills and math skills, I was surprised at how quickly she picked things up. It was also neat to see that she developed in her faith as well. She often brought home lessons she learned about God's love, creation, and trusting God. I am always surprised at how fast kids grow up, and for some reason, it seems like kindergarten makes them grow up and mature twice as fast as they were the year before.



waiting for the bus with her friends Ella and Carly

 On the last day of school the kids have a "Celebration of Learning" and each class does something different to show the learning that has taken place. In the kindergarten class Mrs. Sigston takes the meaning of the kids' names, and finds a bible verse that corresponds to the meaning, and speaks it as a blessing over that child. It is really neat. I so admire her for taking the time to find a verse for each child, that suits that child. It is cool to see how she celebrates the uniqueness of each of her students, and to see how important it is to her that they are rooted in Christ. She really is a blessing to all of the families she has been involved with. It was such a comfort to me, to know that I was sending Emmersen into a classroom with a teacher that would be praying for her. The meaning Mrs. Sigston found for Emmersen was "Victorious" and she chose Psalm 20:5 to be the blessing she spoke over Emme "May we shout for joy over your victory, and in the name of our God set up our banners! May the Lord fulfill all your petitions!" I pray too that this will be true in Emmersen's life!

the kindergarten kids lined up waiting for their turn to be called to Mrs. Sigston

Emme waiting patiently for her turn

listening intently to what Mrs. Sigston said to her

This was technically not the last day of school, but the second last day at the parent appreciation tea. It was a lot of fun, and so cute to see how excited the kids were to serve us parents and sing for us.

Crazy June Around Here!

It has been one crazy spring out here. Record river levels and tons of rainfall this year have made a mess of things. It has been crazy to see how much damage water can do! Michael had to rescue his cows because the river came up so fast that they were stranded without enough to eat. He was able to get some by tractor and the rest he had to hop in his canoe and herd them back to the barn! 



An over flowing culvert caused the road between us and town to wash out.

The culvert at our place overflowed and poured down our driveway, the one at the farm also overflowed, which resulted in a lot of water in Bev's basement.

This is the river that ran through Michael's cornfield, it left a creek bed right down the middle of the cornfield.

The creek was coming so fast and making so much crashing noise above our place we had a sleepover at Grandma Haak's, just in case there was a mudslide.

This is what the road looked like the morning after, one whole lane was washed away!

This is another creek running through the other cornfield, causing a lot of damage to the top half and then the river rose too high and has filled in the bottom half of the fields.

Michael trying to rescue the cows before the water got too high.

Mason thought he had better go supervise the crew, he came home with his own set of ear plugs, he was pretty proud of them!

The river was brown and gross for a long time, and very high!

usually Toby sits at the top of the bank at least five feet from the water's edge, as of right now he can actually fish!

Michael waiting for the canoe to pass before he drove down Riverdale to help a man from our church

This was a couple from our church, they had enough water in their basement to fill it completely and reach the joices of the main floor! That's a lot of water in a basement!!

The most difficult part for us has been what the water has done to the corn field. The corn was a big point of stress for Michael this year, and having gotten it in and things looked great, it was really discouraging to see so much of his hard work disappear. The crop is not looking good right now and every time he looks at it I can tell just how frustrated and tense it makes him. It has also been difficult to get the silage off the field. If you think of us in prayer, please pray for Michael's corn to recover, which would be a MIRACLE, and that he is able to experience peace and just trust that God is working for his good.

And..... right in the middle of all this craziness, these two little blessings were born!

Morgan and Koston