Father's Day Lessons and Emotions

We were blessed to be a part of the most beautiful and touching wedding this Father's Day. As Father's day approached it was hard not to focus on the loss and the absence of a father. I have an amazing dad, he has always been there for me and our family and he continues to be there whenever we need him. He is such a servant hearted man and I love him so much. My children also have the most wonderful father in the world and I know that they are truly blessed to have him in their lives. It isn't that we didn't have lots to be thankful for, it was just hard to focus on the blessings instead of the sorrow. Tara's wedding was a perfect distraction. It was such a joyous moment and an exciting experience. I couldn't wait to see her walk down the aisle and watch them exchange their vows. I knew that this wedding was a symbol of joy and hope. After watching Tara on her journey the last few years (you can read about it here) I was aware that her wedding was definitely an answer to the prayers of so many people in her life. Watching her boys walk her down the aisle made me teary eyed, and it was so sweet to see the joy in her eyes. I truly felt blessed to be a part of her wedding day. Their vows were very touching, I especially loved Kevin's promise that she would be prayed for every day, I can't think of a better thing to have a husband promise his wife! When Tara's boys gave Kevin his first father's day gift at the end of the ceremony it was an incredibly emotional and happy moment, such a blessing to know that those boys will again have the love and direction of a father, living with them, interacting with them, and guiding them to become Godly men. It was a small intimate wedding, that so perfectly celebrated this couple.

 There was a moment during the ceremony that completely turned the day around for me, a moment where I began to realize that the wedding was meant to be more then just a distraction, more then just a bright spot on a dreary day for us. When the minister was speaking to Tara and Kevin he said something like this "you have both gone through hard times, times of sorrow, times of anger, but we are standing here today because God is faithful." I started to think about this statement "God is faithful," and as I thought about it, I started to cry, I kept thinking, is he really? (obviously the answer is yes) but "do I actually believe this?" Do I live like I am trusting that God will be faithful, and if I am what do I expect of God in order for me to believe he is faithful? I was looking at Kevin and Tara, and thinking, well he was faithful to them, but how is he going to prove himself faithful to me? What is it that he can do out of our situation to bring the kind of Joy to our family that Kevin and Tara are experiencing today? What does it mean to be able to look and declare "God is faithful!" I thought on it for awhile and our day went on, we enjoyed the reception and visiting with friends, but when we left Michael and I began to talk about the wedding. He started talking about what a cool thing it was to have been a part of it, what a blessing it was, and how much it meant to him. As we shared our feelings and emotions about the day God began to work on my heart, I was able to see his hand in our lives, to see how this wedding, that was about Tara and Kevin, was also God proving himself faithful to us.

Shortly after Don passed away Tara and I and a couple girl friends went out one night, we talked about life, sorrow, hardship, trusting God, and all kinds of other issues. When I came home I remember telling Michael that Tara was feeling so broken hearted, and that she was really struggling with the fact that she hadn't found someone to share life with. I remember Michael just feeling for her so deeply, and he said, I am going to pray for her. It wasn't a statement made lightly or quickly forgotten, and it wasn't a prayer that was just made without thought. It was the first earnest prayer that Michael made after Don passed away. It was his first real crying out to God for someone else kind of prayer. He had found it hard to talk to God after everything that happened, he was angry, as was I, but for some reason Tara was tugging on his heart strings enough for him to cry out to God. He began to pray, and pray daily, and to pray with belief. When we were talking about the wedding yesterday, Michael told me how shortly after he started praying for Tara he remembers talking with her on the phone she had called to encourage us in our sadness, and he remembers telling her that she was going to find someone, and that it wouldn't be long. He said that he just remembers feeling total confidence in that statement, he just had the assurance that it was true. Within about two weeks of Michael beginning to pray his friend told him about this guy, and how he thought that this guy would be perfect for Tara. (The rest of the story about how this friend introduced Kevin and Tara can be found HERE). It was so cool how as we talked about the wedding God reminded us of these moments, of how desperately I wanted these prayers to be answered back in September, both for Tara, and for Michael because I felt he needed to see a miracle, to see his prayers answered in a big way.

The more we talked about the wedding the more God opened my eyes, all of a sudden I could see, God is faithful, and not just to Tara and Kevin, but he was proving himself faithful to us. Of all the dates Kevin and Tara could randomly pick (they didn't realize they had picked father's day when the date was first settled) it was the same day that was going to be such a struggle and a heartache for us. Going into the day I wasn't sure if the wedding was going to ease the pain or be enough of a distraction to make it any easier, but it was. Michael talked about how his heart had ached for Tara when she was having to be a single parent, and how he had come to think of Tara kind of like a sister. To see her get married, to see her broken heart restored, to see prayers answered was healing, it made the day a little easier. It kind of felt like the rainbow over the arc after the flood, there is still the mess left behind, we are still dealing with the ramifications of our "flood" but it was like God was promising us it would be okay, and declaring "I AM FAITHFUL." I believe that Tara and Kevin were meant for each other, I believe that had we not determined to pray, God would have brought these two together, but I also believe that had Michael not listened to that stirring in his heart, had he not been obedient to God whispering to him to pray, Michael and I would have missed out on seeing God's faithfulness. We would have shared in the joy of Tara and Kevin getting married, but we would have missed the deep personal blessing the event brought us. As we were saying our goodbyes and Tara was thanking us for coming, I heard Michael say to Tara, "it made my father's day a little easier, it made it special." This past couple weeks has been really tough, spring has been hard, learning new things on the farm, planting the corn, then watching floods destroy it, dealing with Bev's flooded basement, watching the river continue to rise, trying to get crops off, it has been stressful and emotional, but this wedding, being in the middle of it all, has given us hope. I can actually feel some of the heaviness lift as I truly believe there is HOPE for joy in our future, that God will be faithful and bring us through our season of sorrow. This is the first time that I can say I believe this not just in a knowledge kind of way, not just because I am clinging to the promises of the bible but because I am feeling God working. It might seem hard now, it might be hard to understand how God can work this for good, but I know can honestly say I have HOPE.

Tara being walked down the aisle by her two boys, such a heart touching moment!

This was such a beautiful wedding, I loved every moment!

It was easy to catch a photo of this kiss, no quick smooch for these two!

Kevin made the most touching set of vows to Tara and her boys at the end of the ceremony, it was really beautiful. I am so thrilled that Tara has found such a Godly man to raise her kids with, love it!

Kevin's first father's day gift, pretty sure there weren't too many dry eyes in the house at this moment!

Such an exciting day, it was so cool to see how the boys were such a part of this wedding, it definitely showed how it was about them becoming a family, not just two people getting married.

Another huge blessing for us was that our cousin and aunt and uncle who live in Kelowna were willing to babysit our four very busy children all day so we could attend the wedding, and then still invited us to stay for dinner! It was another bright spot for us. We had fun and were able to visit and watch the kids play. We felt very blessed to have had them babysit our kids, they made us feel like they loved babysitting our kids and that it was fun for them. It was such a nice way to spend the afternoon. The kids loved doing crafts and playing with barbies and dinosaurs while we were at the wedding, and when we got back they got to go swimming and horse back riding. To the kids it was the perfect day, they had so much fun and keep asking when they get to go back. I was really touched by how generous they were to us, and how when we were leaving and thanking them for having us, and apologizing for the mess we left, they thanked us for bringing the kids, and for coming for dinner. It really is a blessing to feel welcomed into someones home, and to be made to feel like they loved having you, rather then like you were an inconvenience. A HUGE thank you to you guys!

On a day where there were many painful expectations, and there were many moments that were painful, but God definitly blessed us. Our kids fell asleep by the time we left Kelowna so we even got to make a stop for a quick cuddle with our sweet little twin nephews on the way home. We got home late and we were tired, it was an emotionally full day, but we came home counting our blessings and giving thanks to the Lord for all that he had shown us, what a blessing it was to be part of a wedding, connect with family, and snuggle two little miracles, how could I ever have doubted God's faithfulness. I am declaring that I believe with my whole being that God is faithful!

The pool was too cold for us adults but the kids all braved it!

Playing with some pretty cool dinosaurs. Mason was pumped, we don't have anything this cool!

Getting ready to ride the horse, the kids loved it! They might just start begging a little harder for that horse!

Emme and Uncle Chris

Bella had a blast too!

Cheyanne even got to trot a little, it was exciting for her!

besides the pink and purple Dora helmet he rode like such a little cowboy :)

The horse even tripped while he was riding and he didn't slide a bit, just held on tight, and kept going!

Dewitt Farm and D-Dutchman Dairy Field Trip

I was finally able to help out with one of Emmersen's field trips this year. It was a long bus ride out to the Dewitt dairy farm, but it was a lot of fun. The kids had so much fun exploring the farm and learning about the animals. Joanie was amazing at explaining how things work and allowing the kids to see what happens at a farm. I have to admit though I came home wanting my own wheat grinder/oat roller and a cream separator after seeing hers. It just seemed cooler to know that you'd ground your own wheat when making your bread, and with a cream separator I am sure that making butter could save a lot of money! We ended our day at D-Dutchman for some ice-cream and a quick look at the animals. I love watching Emmersen with her friends, she is just too cute, she is always bubbling with excitement to see them, but at the same time just a little bit shy. She had a big grin on her face the whole time we were on the trip!

riding the bus together :)

The class waiting for instructions.

Our field trip group.

Feeding the baby calf (not a new experience for Emme, but still lots of fun).

Finding the newborn barn kittens was a highlight for the kids!

class photo-op

Milking a cow by hand.

Lunch break on the grass

watching Joanie make butter

Sampling some homemade butter on crackers, it was delish!

Enjoying a good cotton candy ice-cream cone.

I love kindergarten kids, they are soo cute!

Another quick photo shoot before heading home!

Cheyanne Turns 7!!!!

I don't know how time goes by so fast, it seems crazy that it was 7 years ago I became a mom! It is going so fast. With each of my kids' birthdays I am reminded how precious every moment is, and how short the parenting stage of my life will really be. I know that I will always be a mom, and I know that the days seem long sometimes, but when I stop and think about the length of time my kids will actually all be under my roof, it just doesn't seem long enough! Lately it seems like every time I stop and look at Cheyanne I am amazed at how grown up she is, how beautiful she is becoming, and how lucky I am to have her.

Cheyanne is an amazing big sister, she loves to push her sisters or Mason on the swing, and she's always watching out for them. She will read Emmersen's home reading book with her and help with the words Emmersen doesn't know, but will let her try first before stepping in to tell her how to do it right. She loves to help out in the kitchen and is always asking to help with making lunch or supper. Cheyanne has an amazing memory and has memorized five or six poems this year, as well as ten memory verses. Her reading has really improved and she is beginning to write great stories and letters to her friends. She also started violin this year and is doing excellent in it, she seems to have a real ear for music and I am so excited for when her playing skills are that of her teacher's, I love the violin, it is so beautiful! I love watching her learn and I have learned so much about her this year. It is exciting to see how well I am getting to know her, and understand her personality.

As I have watched her this past year, I have really noticed the sweet side to her personality. This is not to say she doesn't have the sassy side too, and many times I have to correct her for speaking harshly with her siblings out of frustration, or talking back to me, but she really does have a gentle spirit. When I watch her play with other kids I have noticed that she is quick to include everyone. She isn't always the leader of the group, and she is often quiet when she doesn't know kids well, but she is also confident enough to go and talk with the kid who is left out, and doesn't mind making the first step, especially if I have given her the nudge to do so. She is fine with her sisters tagging along with her friends, and so far still considers them her best friends. I had a proud mommy moment this year when a mom from a little boy that was in Cheyanne's kindergarten class came up to me and told me that her son really missed Cheyanne, he had told her "Mom, I miss Cheyanne, the girls were so much nicer when Cheyanne was in our class." When this mom mentioned it to the kindergarten teacher she replied by saying how perceptive that was of the little boy, and how even though Cheyanne was quiet she had noticed that the other girls had a lot of respect for her and treated other kids the way she did. I have to admit, it made me tear up a little with pride to know that she had made a difference already in kindergarten. Can't wait to watch her develop these attributes even more, and i hope and pray that I can continue to encourage this in her.

This year Cheyanne asked if she could get her ears pierced. With a little arm twisting to convince Daddy, we decided that it would be a good birthday present. So after she turned seven I took her out for hot chocolate and then headed into Enderby Jewellers to get her ears done. They were great in there! They talked her through it and explained what they were doing, and then got it over with quickly. She didn't even cry, just a few whimpers right before they pierced them as she anticipated the pain and then one big ow, and it was done! I have to admit though, just as Michael feared, those earring sure have made her look older!

She wanted to make sure that she picked a pair with diamonds in them, a girl after my own heart :)

checking to make sure the pen marks are even

Freaking out a little bit when they were about to pierce the ears, but the ladies did it so fast she didn't have time to get in too much of a panic! Thanks ladies you were awesome!

All done and all smiles!

This year Cheyanne decided she wanted to have a rainbow party for her birthday. I had a lot of fun prepping for it, and it was amazing how I just randomly came across ideas that fit well with the theme. I made rainbow shaped fruit and veggie platters, and a rainbow cake which was so easy, and a lot of fun! When I was in Michael's one day I came across these scratch art mugs that worked out to be the perfect rainbow craft for all the girls to do, and then I had the idea to make treasure boxes filled with gold coins to be the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and finally we had to colour some good ole Rainbow Brite pictures. I also came across hair chalking, thanks to Pinterest, and coloured Cheyanne's hair to look like a rainbow. I even managed to find candles with coloured flames. It was a lot of fun, and I think I enjoy getting ready for the birthday party as much as the kids enjoy attending the party!

All ready for the friends to arrive!

Rainbow hair to match the rainbow leg warmers

Cheyanne loves the house to be decorated when she wakes up in the morning, I think it is one of the highlights for her, and I lucked out and found rainbow streamers so it was perfect!

playing dress up with the guests

some of our fun crafts

The food, and I know I had more fun putting it together then the guests even noticed, they were just excited for skittles and chocolate milk, lol. Cheyanne loved the rainbow platters though and she was so excited about it all!

This was one of my favourite parts, white chocolate and rainbow sprinkle rimmed chocolate milk glasses. One of the little girls looked at me with big eyes and said, can we eat the sprinkles too! lol, it was so cute!

The group shot of the girls.

eating together

opening gifts together

The cake, I am so glad I took this picture because skittles run really quickly, lol, so it became kind of tye-dyed by the time the girls got to eat the cake.

Miss photo poser and her cheesey grin, lol.

notice the coloured flames, I thought these were so cool

The surprise when I cut into the cakes, this was a big hit as the girls all squealed excitedly when they saw it, lol.

So fun!

Our birthday interview, thanks to Ladybugs n' Latte's for the idea!

Favourite Colour:? Blue

Favourite Food? Swedish Pancakes (for those of non-Swedish decent, crepes)

Favourite Show? Wild Kratts

Favourite Book? Berenstein Bears

Favourite Toy? My new Fashion Barbie

Favourite Song? Good Girl (Carrie Underwood)

What do you want to be when you grow up? Figure Skater

What are you good at? Painting

What are you excited about? All the Holidays

What are your favourite memories from being four? end of kindergarten, my 6th birthday, Gail's pool, camping, going to Jenna-Rae and Annabelle's house

What is your favourite memory verse this year? 1 Timothy 4:12 "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in love, in life, in faith, and in purity."

What is one thing you would like to say to the whole world if you had the chance? I like God, and I would tell them about Jesus

We love you so much Cheyanne! You are such a blessing to our family. I am learning so much from you and I am excited to see who you become. We continue to pray that you will love God more each day, and that you will choose to follow his plan for your life. Thank you for being such a sweet big sister, it is such a blessing to us and to your younger siblings!

30

Crazy to think that I have already turned 30. I can't figure out where the last ten years have gone! It seems like my twenties were a whirlwind, university, graduating with a degree, having four children,  buying and selling our first home, the birth of many nieces and nephews, starting to work from home, grieving the loss of our nephew, sending kids to kindergarten, grieving the loss of a parent, beginning to homeschool....I feel like I really just need to catch my breath! Life seems to keep going at a fast pace, and so often I feel like it is all I can do to just keep up. Turning 30 really made me stop and look at the last decade, it made me analyze how I have changed these past ten years, as well as the areas in my life I still want to change.

One of the things that these past ten years has taught me is how to LOVE God, I always knew that I believed and therefore I loved God, but as I have walked through the difficult moments of these last ten years it seems that my love for God has become real. Instead of being a head thing my love for Christ has become a heart thing. I have had to cling to him many times and he has always proven faithful. I have also learned to trust him. His ways are not my ways, many times I have doubted or questioned his timing, especially this past year. I have often been angry with him, and hurt, but I have also learned to trust. I have learned that when fear and anxiety seem to be overwhelming me I need to stop thinking that I can do anything, I need to stop trying to figure life out, and I need to rest in the truth that whatever circumstance is coming my way, God is bigger then it, and he will bring me through it. I know that the truth of the bible is real, when it says in Isaiah 26:3 "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you," it is a promise that God always comes through on. God has proven this to me many times in the past ten years, and yet so often I forget and need to be reminded, but when I hold tight to this promise, and refuse to let fear take hold of my life I have experienced what it means to rest in God and the peace that comes with that is so worth giving up the control that I only think I have when I worry.

I also thought a lot about who I want to become, who I want to be when I turn 40, lol, now that seems old, hahaha, jk, kinda ;) I desire to make a difference, to have impacted lives and to live a life that brings glory to Christ. I don't want to just live for bedtime, or the next day off, or to get through a difficult stage, I want to live fully in each moment, embracing all that I am experiencing and praising God for the gifts that he has given me. The last few weeks I have thought a lot about wanting to follow the path that God has for me, and so I have tried to start each morning praying through Psalm 143:8&10 "Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk for I give myself to you. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing." My prayer is that God will give me a sensitive spirit so that I will learn to spend my time following his leading instead of my own selfish desires, and hopefully in ten years I can look back and say that I have a heart that walks with God.

Turning 30 was actually a lot of fun, although I have to put up with a lot of old lady jokes for another 6 months until Michael hits the big 30 too. My morning started out pretty well the same as it always does, I got up and got Mason out of bed and was about to get breakfast started when Michael came in from chores. The girls immediately sent me back to my room and told Michael they wanted to give me breakfast in bed. It was so cute as I could hear them busily working in the kitchen and making cards. I spent the time with a cup of coffee reading, chatting on the phone, and replying to facebook messages. When the breakfast came I had a wonderful french toast meal, beautiful cards, and a violinist to entertain me. It was so cute to watch the girls light up with their little surprise.

When Michael went to work the girls kids and I decided to go look at flowers at the greenhouse and pick up a blizzard cake for Cheyanne and I. We had a pizza party for our family to celebrate both Cheyanne's birthday and my big 30. In all there was a lot of fun, and I had so many blessing to be thankful for, but it was also a hard day. I really missed Don. I felt it as soon as I woke up that morning, the heaviness at really focusing on the fact that he wasn't there, I couldn't tease him about how old he was for having another of his children turn 30, and feeling his absence was intensified, as it always is, when the family got together. The group just isn't the same without hearing his big laugh over the noise of all the kids running around. It amazes me how much it still hurts, I sure miss him! Inspite of this though, it is always good to get together, and I am so blessed to have so much family living close to us. I love having as many people together as possible and birthdays or holidays are the perfect excuse to all crowd into one small house and be loud together.

Cheyanne and I opening our gifts together.

Cheyanne has been taking sewing lessons from Great Grandma and she made me these two beautiful pot holders. She was so excited about her gift for me that she could barely keep it a secret, it was so cute. She's actually getting to be pretty good at sewing too!

I can't believe she's seven already, to me that seems more unbelievable then me turning 30!

blowing out our candles together, so much fun sharing my party with her!

Michael and I went to Sparkling Hills to celebrate my birthday for the weekend, and it was a welcome and refreshing break, and yet it was also hard. I am not sure what it is about going away, but for some reason we both find it really hard. I don't know if it is because when you leave you have to come back, and when you come back it hits you all fresh again, or if it is the extra worry about leaving the farm and not being sure that things will be okay, or if it is simply that life slows down enough that we can't keep our minds focused on busyness, and instead we allow ourselves to feel, and it hurts. We did enjoy ourselves though, especially me as there wasn't a lot to do but go for walks and talk, lol, so I definitely got my fill of "us" time, and it was wonderful. I love spending down time with my husband, and I know as we are about to enter crazy season for him at work and us as a family, these moments are going to be a lot harder to get over the next few months. We also saw some pretty cool cars, as three Ferrari's and two Lamborghini's were there. The one Lamborghini was worth 690 000.00 dollars, yup, we googled it. I just wanted to leave a note on the window reminding him that his car could sponsor the 200 kids in urgent need of sponsorship through Relief and Support Services for like eight years! I didn't do it though, lol, we just took pictures instead.

This is the 690 000 dollar car, it had an Albertan licence plate that said bull rider (obviously not spelt like that) but I don't think bull riders make that much money so who knows. They didn't look very old whoever they all were!

So far, 30 has been okay, and the changes God has made in me these past few years makes me excited to see what my future holds. I am really looking forward to our future. I am hoping it will go a little slower, and that I will have come out of the fog of pregnancy/baby brain enough that I will be able to remember the precious moments our family has. I have so much to be thankful for, and each day as I try to record the blessings and the gifts that I have been given I am reminded continually of the unfailing love God has for me, which gives me hope and a joy in discovering where he will lead our little family in these "Golden Years" of life.